Life Isn't Worth It

I'm tried of trying to figure out the meaning of life.
Why should people get married when there are so many examples out there showing that cheating is okay and love is not neccessary for a relationship?
I don't believe in marriage because in my opinion it is stupid to make a promise to love and be with this person forever and either you die early and they have to live the rest of their life without you and you feel guilty about it, or the other way around.
Makes me wonder why I haven't give up on love yet.
But maybe the guy I have now will help me get over my problems and learn that life is worth living, because right now, it doesn't seem like something that a wise person would want.

constant fear

I carefully watch you
Mark your every move
If you start to walk towards me
I flinch and run to the room’s corner

You get closer and closer
A dark and evil look in your eyes
I see the way you look at me
And I feel dirty and disgusting

You tell me not to be afraid
And that you’d never hurt me
But I can tell that
You don’t plan on keeping that promise

You lean forward, in my face
And say that it’s ok
This won’t hurt at all
And that you will treat me right

She walks in the room
My Savior, my hero
She tells you to let me go
And that she’s not leaving without me

You shove me underneath the covers
And sit directly on top of me
So the battle begins
But who will win the war?

For years and years
You caused me pain
Made me feel like what you were trying to do was all right
And made me live in fear everyday, hoping that you wouldn’t do anything

That time is gone
I’m now grown
But my past still haunts my dreams
And won’t let me move on

So how can I cure this?
Get rid of this terrible curse?
Just forget about it and move on?
Or tell the truth to everyone about the monster that stole my childhood