Life Isn't Worth It

I'm tried of trying to figure out the meaning of life.
Why should people get married when there are so many examples out there showing that cheating is okay and love is not neccessary for a relationship?
I don't believe in marriage because in my opinion it is stupid to make a promise to love and be with this person forever and either you die early and they have to live the rest of their life without you and you feel guilty about it, or the other way around.
Makes me wonder why I haven't give up on love yet.
But maybe the guy I have now will help me get over my problems and learn that life is worth living, because right now, it doesn't seem like something that a wise person would want.

constant fear

I carefully watch you
Mark your every move
If you start to walk towards me
I flinch and run to the room’s corner

You get closer and closer
A dark and evil look in your eyes
I see the way you look at me
And I feel dirty and disgusting

You tell me not to be afraid
And that you’d never hurt me
But I can tell that
You don’t plan on keeping that promise

You lean forward, in my face
And say that it’s ok
This won’t hurt at all
And that you will treat me right

She walks in the room
My Savior, my hero
She tells you to let me go
And that she’s not leaving without me

You shove me underneath the covers
And sit directly on top of me
So the battle begins
But who will win the war?

For years and years
You caused me pain
Made me feel like what you were trying to do was all right
And made me live in fear everyday, hoping that you wouldn’t do anything

That time is gone
I’m now grown
But my past still haunts my dreams
And won’t let me move on

So how can I cure this?
Get rid of this terrible curse?
Just forget about it and move on?
Or tell the truth to everyone about the monster that stole my childhood

Hopeless

Look at me
Can’t you tell that something is not right?
Can’t you tell that I need help and comfort?
Or are you just blind?

You see I’m struggling
Suffocating inside myself
But all you do is stand in the dark corner
While I drown slowly in my pain

Haven’t you noticed that something’s different?
Can’t you feel a change in the air?
Why is it that you won’t ask what’s wrong?
Or are you too absorbed into yourself?

I feel like giving up
Quit trying to fight
But all you do is watch me
And lie about how everything is going to be alright

How do you feel now?
Now that I am no longer a part of society?
Can’t you tell that they treat me like an outcast?Or are you just not caring?

the truth hurts

She never felt welcome
The glances only felt like hate-filled stares
She was hurting inside
But no one took the time to help her heal
Only said hello then forgot she existed
No one knew her painful past
And no one tried to find out
She just walked along, her eyes filled with tears
Yet nobody seemed to care
All her teen years, she was alone
So the night before graduation
She stopped the hurting
Only after that did her peers find out
That she was raped and pregnant

the best song ever -THE FINAL

The intention is clear, I stare… with this left hand, unable to be worded
Every time I bleed, there lies the reason to live…
And I discover words being so vivid and bright
Even loved ones scatter like petals from flowers in my hand
So even if I engraved the meaning that I lived in my hand, it will only be known as flowers of vanity
the final
One by one it multiplies… why be a sad bait?
Deep within the hell of my heart… I can’t go back
A self-tortured loser, not being able to see tomorrow
Suicide is the proof of life
Even loved ones scatter like petals from flowers in my hand
So even if I engraved the meaning that I lived in my hand, the petals will just scatter as flowers of vanity
So I can’t live
What’s lost can’t be born again
A song that’s not even seeking the proof of living
Let’s put an end… the final
Let’s blood flowers of attempted suicide...

The Truth

This world is so fucked up
Life is just torture that never ends
Ever after sweet Death
Fate still has a way of finding you
While you're hiding in the spirit world
Dead or Alive, the pain is still the same
All you can do
Is hope that Fate forgets your existence
This is a trick not even the great Houdini can pull off
But fuck Humanity, Sanity and all the righteous shit
I don't care who I hurt or take down
I'm going to do what I have to do to survive
My battle scars, I show them off
It just proves that all you assholes need to fuck off!
I might not seem like much
But when Fate comes 'round to fight
I will beat her
So, World, say goodnight!

Winter Ball!!!

I am so happy because I get to go to the Winter Ball this year!!! Now, I don't really like the idea of going in a dress and wearing high heels for hours, but I will have fun. Especially if I can get a certain someone to be my escort...